It Is A Beautiful Thing

I cant believe I'm blogging again, it took me 2 heartbreaks and a full beard to revive my writing again. I may point out, to help you understand, that I have only blogged in the past when I was either extremely happy or deeply troubled, or spiraling in between but never under normal circumstances so you can imagine why today is special. Where do I start?


Dear guy.

If I could write about you and express myself, it wouldn't sound beautiful because, you are slowly creeping up on me. You have become that dark part in my soul that gives me anxiety and involuntary insomnia when I think about you. That dark part that makes me pulsate and makes me feel alive. It's beautiful to me.

It's beautiful in the sense that you have replaced that pain with beautiful sounds as your voice echoes in my mind. You have replaced my worries with simple worries like have you eaten, was your day alright, are you in a good space? And that is a much better bargain.
It's beautiful in the sense that, you have reminded me once again that I'm human and prone to being.
It is beautiful in the sense that I no longer wake up tired and restless, I wake up thinking of the beautiful smile that I will one day wake up to see. It is beautiful in the sense that, I now see myself waking up everyday as the woman I've always wanted to be. Happy, emancipated, and new.
This is not a love letter, it's a thank you note, because even though you don't see it yet, you have been the stairs helping me crawl out of a dark space.
It is beautiful. It's beautiful in the sense that, you have shun some light on that dark part of my soul and you occupy it with ease.

It is not even about how you look but how you think.
It's not even about how you talk but what you speak.
It's not even about what I've lost, but what I found when I had gotten too tired to seek.
You see, you mellow down my nerves when you utter words ever so wise.
My comfort is right where your honesty lies.
I haven't been the most open but with you I've opened the pathways to my soul.
I'm a freak, yes, everything I am will freak you out.
I love slowly, but when I love, I love strong.
They say I'm crazy and they couldn't be wrong.
When I love, I protect with all my teeth and claws like a lioness.
I'll stroke your hair and back, so gently and whisper you no empty promises.

I haven't been lucky in love and I haven't been the best being at it.
I don't do well with inattention, I'm the worst being at it.
And there'll never be a day you'll feel unloved, you can test me at it.
My love is scary, I love in abundance, I set myself aside.
Can't promise to die riding but I'd be down to ride.


Yours in good friendship
B.H